The Winter of my Life
I had a dream…
I was in the winter of my life, and the special people I met along the way were my only summer. During the day, I had visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an endless road, I realized that my memories of them were the only thing that sustained me and my only real happy times.
I was just a girl. Not a very popular one. I once desired becoming more than that, but upon an unfortunate series of events I saw those dreams dash and divide like a million stars in the night sky. That I wished on. Over and over again. Sparkling and broken. But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is. People I used to know found out what I’d been doing; how I’d been living. But I realized there’s no use in talking to people who have a home. They have no idea what it is like to seek safety in other people; for home to be wherever you lie your head.
Though my dream only occurred in a series of days, over time, I realized that I was always an unusual girl to others. I never desired to be like everyone else. My mother told me I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing north; no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide in its wavering as the ocean.
My life was being flipped upside-down, but if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way, I’d be lying. Because deep down I knew I was born to be different than others. I had been created to be the one that stood out among everyone else. I was the girl who belonged to no one, but belonged to everyone at the same exact time. The girl who had nothing. But wanted everything.
I had a fire for every experience that I encountered. More than anything, though, I had an obsession for freedom. At times, it terrified me to the point I couldn’t even speak about it and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled me and dizzied me at the same time.
Though I felt somewhat happy to have an outlandish personality rather than being like the girls around me, truthfully, I was being broken down. Painfully and slowly. But I’d been trying too hard for too long to lose sight of the dream I’d never laid my eyes off of. I had a war waging in my mind. Telling me to just give up. To accept that I would never find anyone who felt the way I did. Each day I would pray that I would eventually find my people.
And finally, I did. On the open road. We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain; nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives a work of art.
Phrase-Forge 